so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize