Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
