so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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