So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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