foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize