its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
