Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
