mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
