so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
