doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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