You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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