Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
