The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
