Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
