Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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