You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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