I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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