i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
