That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
