i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize