Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
