I cannot find my penis.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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