last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
