she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize