I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
