Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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