Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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