i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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