I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i will never coherently bang her
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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