You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
