What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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