Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
