I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
