every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize