i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
