It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you had me at cake vodka
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
