May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My balls are so social today.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
