ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize