i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Everyone says I win the strip club
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize