My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just had sex bonerless
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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