ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
