my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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