is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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