I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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