Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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