I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
