her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
