I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
