Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
