I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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