he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
