I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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