i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
