Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize