Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
