then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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