and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
