So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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