there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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