At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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