He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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