Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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