So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
