The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize