Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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