life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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