i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
