Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
