dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
