dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
