pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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