I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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